Ohh heyy.
So...I'm a hypochondriac.
It's 2:14 am right now. I have to be up at 7:30 to make it to class on time. Why, do you ask, am I awake?
My entire life, I've danced. There are millions of people in the world who can say those words. And the great part is, almost all of them mean something different. There are people who are fantastic dancers in almost any setting. If there is music on...anything with a rhythm, actually... they can move to it in a way that becomes art. Then there are dancers who specialize in one genre. There are technically trained dancers, dancers who break outside of technique, and dancers who follow no rules whatsoever. There are ballerinas, modern, hip hop, jazz, tap, lyrical, Irish dancers. There are people who dance at clubs for fun...there are people who perform for millions...an there are people who dance as a form of worship.
SO. In honor of my favorite art--and what I would love to be doing right now--here are some of my favorite dance quotes.
"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking. " -Agnes de Mille
"The dancer's body is simply the luminous manifestation of the soul." -Isadora Duncan
"Dance is the hidden language of the soul of the body." - Martha Graham
I GOT TO RECORD TODAY!
I felt like Britney Spears.
It was pretty much the coolest thing, and made me feel a little more like a musician than a girl trying to sing...ish.
SO cool.
I've decided to turn this into a work-out blog for the next couple months. I'm done with school, and home in St. Louis. Unfortunately, none of my friends are within about 14 hours of me...but at least I get to hang out with my family. Since I don't have much to do, I'm going to spend the summer working a couple days a week, and most importantly, getting myself in shape.
Before I start filling you in on all my accomplishments, here's the sob story:
I can remember being self-conscious about my body as early as 3rd grade. I've never been overweight, but I've also never been particularly athletic, which can be frustrating. I've always had issues with my stomach, and never been close to having real muscles, except in my legs. The only exercise I really did as a kid was dance classes between 2 and 9 hours a week. In high school, to pass my online gym class, I had to go to the gym and do cardio and strength workouts. I even muddled my way through a triathlon once. But in general, I'm not athletic, and my asthma stops me from being successful.
This summer, my goal is to change that. I've gotten back up to my highest weight ever, and I just feel out of shape. So here are my specific goals:
1. Drink water. At least 4 glasses a day. Limit other beverages to one cup of coffee and one other drink a day.
2. Replace processed sugar with healthier things like yogurt or fruit.
3. Work out for at least 20 minutes a day. Run at least 3 times a week.
4. Work up to running 5 miles without stopping. (Right now it's 1.5)
Let's see how this goes!
It's been almost exactly two months since my last post. There are two reasons for this sad fact:
1) I don't really think anyone cares what I write here.
2) I've been kind of busy.
Since spring break I have:
taken tests
written papers
gone to work
found an apartment
registered for next year's classes
worked out
gained weight
learned music
gone to church
gotten more involved
become a copy chief
What I haven't done:
put my all into school on a number of occasions
really figured out what I think about everything
been perfect
I'm pretty sure that's okay though. It all takes time. For now, I'm trying to get through my exams in one piece--preferably successfully--and trying to stay true to what I want to be. And that, I think, is pretty well represented by this picture of what used to hang in my room at home.
Me in a nutshell.
I'm on spring break this week. It's incredible...I honestly think spring break may be the best timed of any school vacation. It seems like everyone was really ready for it--this Friday at William & Mary was a happy place to be. I was no exception, and was very excited to drive myself and my friend home before I left the next day to come to STL. The car ride was highly exciting, because we were both in really good moods, and I was highly caffeinated (Diet Coke & coffee both within an hour). I also spent almost all of Friday listening to O.A.R., including the song "I Feel Home", which pretty much describes how I feel about my family and about Richmond in general. I got to live the song when I went out for pizza with two of my best friends Friday night...it's always incredible to be home.
Saturday morning my grandma and I woke up at 4:30 to drive to the airport, which was worth it as soon as I got home, before my brothers had even woken up. Being at home is great for a number of reasons: I don't feel the need to constantly use hand sanitizer and Lysol everything, my mom's cooking...even being able to get a drink of water from the kitchen in the morning.
Being home is a unique phenomenon. There's really no substitute for it. But moving halfway across the country has taught me that it's really not being the same place you grew up. There's no doubt, familiar places and people are really important, and really fun. But what's really important is being with your family. A place isn't "home". People are.
I read the song lyrics that comprise today's title on my friend's AIM profile a couple of years ago, right when I started listening to Jack Johnson. This line shows one of the things I love most about his lyrics, which is that they encourage people to think about the big picture, get over the bad stuff, and get on with life. I've been thinking a lot about that idea lately: as my favorite high school history teacher told us over and over again, "I've got bigger fish to fry."
I'll be the first person to tell you that I am a whiner. There's no way to put it nicely-- I have no pain tolerance, I'm kind of needy, and I let people know it when I don't feel good. But a couple of weeks ago, when I found out I had mono, my best friend surprised me with some really good-albeit harsh- advice. As soon as I told him about my latest issue, he very quickly informed me that I should try to keep it a secret. "Don't whine to other people. They don't care, and it will really only make them feel bad too."
I was a little taken aback by his instructions, and especially that they had been his first reaction, rather than to say he was sorry I was sick. However, after thinking about it a little bit, I realized he was right. Since then, I've been trying really hard not to whine. I do occasionally indulge myself...okay maybe every time I talk to my mom...but with other people I've tried to be positive. And I'm pretty sure it really does make everything a lot better.
So. Take a lesson from country singers and jam bands everywhere, and don't sweat the small stuff.
It might actually make you a happier person.
Last February, probably almost exactly a year ago, in fact, I was having one of my many personal crises. This one involved a ridiculous relationship and its even more ridiculous "ending". But that's another story....
After almost a year of self-indulgence, religious questioning, lonely spells, and major life changes, I decided the best way to make life worthwhile would be to fall back into the same pattern I've had since I was six years old: stay busy. When all else fails, stay so busy you can't think. (Actually, I'm pretty sure the thinking is generally just a product of too much time to think, and not enough to do. Are those the same thing?)
So I got a job. I'm now taking 14 credits, working at least 12 hours a week, and a member of three student organizations... although one of them tends to fall to the wayside in the wake of the rest of this sometimes. Today I left my dorm at 11:00 am, and besides a 10 minute stop to change for work, didn't get back until well after 11:00 pm. Yikes. Last semester, I spent most of my time in my room. Heck, last week I spent most of my time in my room. Anyway, in order to facilitate my writing, and encourage myself to actually write at all, I've decided to focus on lists. This could change at any moment, and I warn you now, they will not be concise lists. They will be in most cases detailed, and in many cases completely ridiculous. But I am a list-maker, and so I will make lists.
List #1: Things I love today
1. Having my own chips & salsa. I love living with my family, but having my own snacks kind of rules sometimes. It's just nice.
2. Copy Editing. Great "job", great people...sweetness.
3. When my roommate and I actually both clean at the same time. Neither of us are particularly tidy people, so this can pretty much make my day.
4. That "White Noise" app I just bought on itunes. I'm loving hearing a fan or raindrops on a car roof when I go to sleep. Or even a vacuum, if you like feeling at home.
List #2: Things I don't love today
1. Customized food orders. People...really? Just take off the onions yourself, for goodness sake.
2. Retainers. I haven't had braces on for five years, and it's starting to show. But the darn things are so uncomfortable.
3. My eating habits when I'm busy. Today, for example: two pop tarts, coffee, burger, salad, smooth & melty's, Hot Tamales, Tostitos, and salsa. I'm surprised I haven't died.
4. The fact that it's now almost 1am and I have way too much to do before tomorrow.
5. The fact that I have no idea what time I'm working tomorrow. Oops :)
Regardless, today was a crazy day--but a decent one. Hopefully tomorrow will be more of the same, maybe with a little less crazy. I am a lucky girl.
Right now I'm listening to a recording of my brother's a cappella group from high school. They did a cover of "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call, which I guess is a Christian band. I've never really been into Contemporary Christian music, partially because my parents have always kind of looked down on it. We're definitely Christians, so it's not the meaning of the music, but the fact that a lot of it isn't all that great musically--it gets a free ride because of its content. In the past couple years, though, I've been listening to a lot of CCM. It's actually pretty good most of the time. Which leads me to my point: you really have to be open minded with music. I've gone from early 90's pop to alternative to classic rock to country to indie to musicals and everywhere in between. My basic criteria is that it makes me happy or it makes me think, and lyrics are very important. Currently I'm obsessed with the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack (although I hate the end of the movie), and Dave Matthews Band (I'm in college in VA, it's a given). So as someone whose favorite band went from NSYNC to AC/DC in about 2 years...keep an open mind, you might just find out your music collection was missing something awesome.
I hate the first page. It's absolutely the most intimidating thing ever for me. I am a handwriting perfectionist, and if I mess up, the notebook will be ruined forever. That's kind of how I feel about the beginning of...well, anything. It's overwhelming. Starting a new semester, trying to figure out what I want to do, what I want to get out of it...I just want to crawl under a rock. Actually I just want to crawl back into bed, and get a big hug from someone I shouldn't really even be talking to at this point, but that's another story. However, as my dad keeps telling me, I guess I shouldn't tell myself no. I should at least make an attempt, and let other people tell me no.